Is there a ghost behind your next online date? There might be — and that's OK, experts say.
Having trouble clicking your way to love? If writing exciting copy for your online dating profile makes you wince, you’re not alone.
Just ask Laurie Davis, author of “Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating” and founder of eFlirt Expert, an online dating consultancy firm. Online daters enlist her help with writing a profile, messaging, online dating management and relationship coaching. She says eFlirt is responsible for 19 marriages and counting.
Davis says that “singles have a challenging time writing about themselves. This is generally true regardless of profession.” Davis says people are often surprised that eFlirt’s clients include authors, journalists and even marketers.
Depending on which package her clients — who range in age from 19 to 70 — enroll in, they are connected with certified coaches. The coaches help them with services like a one-time profile critique or even monthly subscription packages to help them learn the ropes of dating online with some extra help.
The eFlirt consultants — all of whom have degrees in English, journalism or communications — follow a course instruction, which was inspired by yoga teacher training, with classroom time, practical work and an exam. “Yes, it’s a real exam!” she promises. This encompasses multiple-choice questions, fill-in-the-blanks and practical portions like completing a profile from scratch.
Despite so many clients concerned about copy, profile photos also often need a little help. “Ultimately, without great photos you’ll have a tough time attracting the right type of match,” Davis points out.
According to Charles J. Orlando, relationship expert and author of “The Problem with Women ... is Men” book series, there’s really nothing wrong with relying on others, whether it’s a professional or a friend, to weigh in on your photos and profile.
“Just be sure you’re making the choices you want to make,” he advises. “In the real world, both parties communicate via verbal and non-verbal cues. But with online dating, initial impressions, introductions and the ‘Please allow me to introduce myself’ process is virtually nonexistent.”
Orlando says that profiles are “just an introduction,” and that just like offline dating, people “reveal who they are slowly, over time.”
So, if you aren’t a great writer, he says it might be useful to consult a writing service, but adds that eventually you’ll be face-to-face with someone. “Pulling out your best attributes is great ... but you’ll need to be real.”
Davis’ expert tips for a clickable profile:
1. Wear color in your main photo. Wearing a bold color will help your picture pop when you show up in search results with 20-plus other singles.
2. Upload at least one action shot. A photo of you doing something fun shows off your lifestyle more than any description you type.
3. Make your profile action-oriented. Your profile is a conversation starter. It’s easier for matches to strike up a digital conversation when you mention activities that fill your life.
4. Edit for virtual confidence. Confidence is sexy, even online, and can be conveyed through tone. Delete wishy-washy terms and phrases like “I guess,” “maybe” and “sort of.” But don’t go overboard — there is a thin line between confident and cocky.
Jan. 24, 2017 "Finding the funny in unhappily ever after": I found this article by Leanne Italie in the Metro on Feb. 5, 2015:
NEW YORK — Mark Miller has survived 19 years of online dating since his 1995 divorce, yet he still has a smile on his face.
There’s much to hate about the process, the Los Angeles-based humorist said in a recent interview, but he refuses to despair as he continues his hunt for true love. One thing that DOES bum him out, though, is how so much dating advice seems skewed to women.
That’s why he decided to share his quest forever after in a collection of essays called 500 Dates, out this week from Skyhorse Publishing in time for that ultimate date night, Valentine’s Day.
Miller, 62, isn’t shy about poking fun at himself. He describes a dating disaster with accoutrements he purchased entirely from a 99-cent store. He’s had sex way too soon after meeting someone, given up prematurely on relationships, stayed in relationships beyond their expiration dates and coveted his neighbour’s wife.
Conversely, one date showed up in her forest ranger uniform. Another admitted she was 15 years older than advertised in her dating profile, and a third made it clear that she found dating so soul-draining that he was her last-ditch attempt before she packed it in forever. It didn’t work out.
A conversation with Mark Miller about finding love online:
AP: So how many dates are you up to now?
Miller: The 500 in the title is underestimating it. It would probably be closer to 750 if I was going to be honest about it. During that time I’ve found maybe seven fairy tale endings that ranged from seven months to four years. I’m still looking.
AP: How has happily ever after changed in the 21st century? You have a chapter where you write: “And they lived apart happily ever after is the new fairy tale ending.”
Miller: I think that absence does make the heart grow fonder in many ways. I’ve spoken to a lot of people who date regularly and only see each other once a week. It’s become more special, more datelike to them. There is such a thing as living together happily ever after but it doesn’t happen for a lot of people, especially in this day and age.
AP: Do men suffer from a lack of dating advice?
Miller: I think men are less prone to asking for that advice. They have more of an I can do it myself, more of a macho thing going on, whereas women are more open. If you do a search for dating books you’ll find most of them are written either by women or for women. I think there was a void for men in that regard.
AP: What was your worst date?
Miller: When I showed up and the woman didn’t show up. The next day I called her up and she said she didn’t feel like it, so she didn’t. That’s the ultimate worst date, when the woman doesn’t show up, or when she shows up and she insults you.
AP: Is it fair that men still pay on a first date?
Miller: Well, I don’t resent it. I read something where a woman cataloged the amount of money she spends on dates and she had a whole list of things. Getting her hair done and an outfit and a baby sitter since she was a single mother. It was a lot more than what a man pays for dinner. The tradition is so strong for men paying.
AP: You write about how the first date shouldn’t be about romance. What should it be about?
Miller: The first date should be about connection, establishing some common ground and making sure your personalities are in sync. It’s a mistake not to establish the friendship first.
AP: What’s your best advice for men who are jumping into the online dating pool for the first time?
Miller: I would say not to get discouraged too quickly. I’ve spoken to a lot of men who have had one or two or three bad experiences and as a result it turned them off to online dating. Develop a sense of reality and optimism and understand that things not working out is the norm so it will make you appreciate it all the more if things do work out.
My opinion: It's common courtesy to call, text or email to say you're not coming for some reason.
Jan. 29, 2018 "Single mother rejected by man on POF website": I'm sure some of you guys are saying "How does this qualify as news"? Well I decided to read it anyway. The guy was stupid saying how he didn't like that the mom changes diapers.
You may be angry and depressed reading it, so you were forewarned:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5007897/Single-mother-rejected-man-Plenty-Fish-website.html
My week:
Jan. 29, 2018 "A teenager dying of cancer had a final wish: To marry his childhood sweetheart":
Dustin Snyder knows that he may have only days left to live.
For the past year and a half, the 19-year-old has been battling a rare form of cancer called synovial sarcoma — undergoing treatments to remove the tumors, only to watch them return and ravage his body.
Several weeks ago, doctors told him he had only weeks. So he turned to the person who had been beside him through it all — and asked her to spend the rest of that time with him.
“As a mom, I want him to be happy during his final days — whatever that is that makes him happy,” Fondahn said of this weekend’s wedding. “I don’t think this will change anything dramatically for either one of them; it’s just going to make both of them happy. And that’s what it’s all about.
“She’s going to get the wedding of her dreams to the man she loves, and he’s going to be at peace knowing he has his soul mate with him when he goes.”
Jan. 30, 2018 Mark Salling dead at 35:
Actor Mark Salling, best known for his role as Noah "Puck" Puckerman on Fox's musical comedy-drama "Glee," has died, according to his attorney. He was 35.
"I can confirm that Mark Salling passed away early this morning," attorney Michael Proctor said in a statement to CNN. "Mark was a gentle and loving person, a person of great creativity, who was doing his best to atone for some serious mistakes and errors of judgment."
Los Angeles Police tell CNN they were called to investigate a report of a death in a wooded area near Tujunga at 8:50 am local time on Tuesday morning but could not confirm any further information.
Salling was indicted in May 2016 on charges of receiving and possessing child pornography.
He pleaded guilty to one count of possession of child pornography involving a prepubescent minor and was scheduled for sentencing March 7.
As part of a plea agreement, Salling was expected to be sentenced to four years to seven years in federal prison, followed by a 20-year period of supervised release and registration as a sex offender.
My opinion: I'm surprised by his death. I watched the first 2 seasons of Glee.
SNL cast talks Aziz Ansari, #MeToo in awkward dinner table conversation: I don't watch SNL, but I had some free time tonight to watch this sketch. Some people are struggling to say things to not offend people. I thought it was average.
"
"its almost as if they're saying that the right for free speech is more important than the "right" not to be offended."
My opinion: You have to find the right people to talk about different things with.
Mortgages: One time I was talking to a friend C who owns her own house. I asked her how much mortgage she pays a month and she said she didn't really want to talk about that with me. That's fine, so we'll talk about something else.
One time I talked to this guy B who is an acquaintance. He is willing to talk about it like: "I live in a condo. I want to buy a house and then I live in the house. I will then rent out my condo for $2000 a month."
Job interviews:
Tues: Jan. 30, 2018: I passed my resume in person to a medical clinic. On the job ad it said I had to pass it in person.
Wed. Jan. 31, 2018: I passed out 5 resumes to 5 places in person.
Thurs. Feb. 1, 2018: I went to a job interview at a fast food place this morning. It went well and I would work there.
I went to a job interview in the afternoon at a financial office. It was good, but I don't think I would get hired.
After that I walked 2 blocks to my 2nd restaurant job and gave this envelope with this job info to this worker C there. It's about this beauty program I found on Kijiji where she can get paid to learn about manicures and pedicures.
She was interested in being a body piercer, but she had to find someone she can be a paid apprentice to.
The Fruit Place: I called them back to see if they hired anyone yet. The woman on the phone said if I got hired, I would have gotten a call back.
Dental office job interview: I did a job interview there a couple of weeks ago. They were hiring in downtown and the interview was at another office. I went there on time and waited for 40 min to talk to the dentist. I did read when waiting.
Pros:
1. It was in downtown.
2. I think I can do the job, because there is a office manager to train me.
3. Pay is good.
Cons:
1. It seems pretty hard. There is billing, terminology, insurance. It was very busy.
My opinion: This ad was on Kijiji and the dentist did say there were over 100 applicants. They whittled down to the interviews.
I don't think I got hired, because I would have gotten a call back by now.
Fast food place: I did a job interview that is close by. It was 2 weeks ago.
Pros:
1. They needed someone to work days. Some nights, but it wasn't too late like 9pm. It was close by so the bus ride was short if I did have to work till 9pm.
2. The discount was 50% off food.
3. I can do the job of taking orders. I would only have to leanr how to work the deep fryer.
Cons: None.
My opinion: I would work there if I got hired.
Eye clinic: I did a job interview and wrote about it. I didn't get hired.
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