Thursday, April 18, 2013

desert joke/ teacher joke/ hotel joke

Apr. 11 Jokes: I got these from Daily Silly:

Desert: Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah", but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don't even have a car to go with it!" The guy with the car door says, "Yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"

Me: lol.  Stupid and funny.


Diet: Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. He said; "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds." When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped almost twenty pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor told him. "You did this just by following my instructions?" The slimmed down Mr. Johnson nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I though I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No," replied Mr. Johnson, "from skipping."

Family: Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

Me: It was funny, but I kind of cringed at it.  That reminds me of 2003, there was a TV show called Method and Red.  It was about the 2 rappers named Method Man and Red Man and they move into this rich upper class white neighborhood.  Cue the "black people are different from white people" jokes. 

I remember reading a comment on Fametracker Forums about that show.  Someone said: "I laugh as much as I cringe."




Marriage: Mo and Jo are sitting in boat fishing, drinking beer and chewing tobacco when out of the blue Mo says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife she ain't spoke to me in over a month" Jo sips his beer and says, "Better think it over, women like that are hard to find."

Me: Okay, that joke was kind of sexist against women. 

Here's one against the men:



Wife hit her husband with frying pan. Husband: "What was that for?" Wife: "I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it" Husband: "I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse" Wife: "Sorry!" Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again Husband: "What now?" Wife: "Your horse is on the Phone."


Airplane: Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane.

The richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive. The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him. The pilot says to the punk "There's only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be necessary," said the punk, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."

Me: That starts my writer's imagination.  The punk then jumps out of the plane.  The smartest man then clings onto the richest guy for dear life as they jump off the plane.


My friend Sam emailed me back about this.  I asked her if I can quote her on it, and she says yes.


Teacher joke: I got this from Daily Silly.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Me: It was kind of a mean joke.  I bet the teacher in real life would yell at the student and send him to the office for talking back.

Sam: or maybe just maybe the teacher would realize that her own words gad come back to her, and learn and work with the class on it "oh darn! i was hoping no one would notice!"

i remember teaching my first class to tell fellow classmates 'you are being a silly twit' when they were acting out, to try and defuse it. one day a student said it to me. i am proud to say i stopped, thought about it, and admitted that yes, she was right, i WAS being a silly twit. he and i were able to laugh about it.

Apr. 12 Hotel: Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"


Me: I'm sure all of you guys are groaning.  But when I think about it, I think they should have gotten a refund on their room.  I wouldn't walk 75 flights of stairs.  That's like an 1hr of walking.  I don't know, could be 30-45min.  I would check into another hotel or maybe a motel 6 to sleep in.

No comments: