Jan. 19 Job joke: I got this form Daily Silly.
A company,
feeling it was time for a shake up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On
a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means
business. The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "How much money do
you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him
and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO takes $600 in
cash from his pocket and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, GET OUT
and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about his first firing,
the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell
me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the
other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Jan. 20 Post Secret:
"I don't want to see dead people anymore!"- a paramedic
Me: Maybe you should go into a different medical profession.
"It makes me angry that you got pregnant on accident and I can't do it on purpose."
Me: I saw that on a teen pregnancy ep on the Tyra
Banks show. This 13 yr old girl got pregnant by accident. She was doing a pregnancy test with her 13 yr old friend who wants to get pregnant. The pregant 13 yr old girl said: "So my friend was mad that I got pregnant and she didnt."
"I call my hometown's automated weathereline when I'm homesick."
Me: There's nothing wrong with that.
"I waited 43 yrs to get on anti-depressants. I love life so much now I use it's name for my computer passwords."
Me: Good for you.
"I feel like I need to be famous to be happy."
Me: Maybe you want recognition for your
achievements.
"An Iraqi
insurgent tried to kill my husband by blowing himself up. The bomb
didn't harm my husband but left the insurgent injured. My husband shot
him. In the face. Now I feel like my husband is a murderer. Is that
wrong?"
Me: Well he did kill someone so that's murder. However, he is a soldier and it was in self- defense.
"It's about fighting for the things that make you happy. For me that's you."
"Every time I cut and paste, I think of my mouse eating up all of my words and then spitting them out when I right- click."
Me: I never thought of it like that.
Creative.
"I don't need him." -A picture of a happy woman.
Jan. 21: Here's another job joke from Daily Silly. This time it's about a job application:
An applicant was filling
out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been
arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the
affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got
caught."
Jan. 22 Syncopation: I was reading my horoscopes in 24 today, and it said: "Pay attention to the surrounding syncopation to discover something new."
Dictionary.com says:
"Music . a shifting of the normal accent, usually by stressing the normally unaccented beats."Jan. 26: Here's another job joke:
"Do you believe in life
after death?" the boss asked one of his employees." Yes, Sir," the new
employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the
boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmothers
funeral, she stopped in to see you."
Me: What are the chances?
The Color: This
is the name of a rock band. I heard a song on the radio, and there was a
bit of an interview with them. It's not Top 40. I went on Youtube and
put in "The Colours Band." This isn't the band I'm looking for, but
they do a good cover of "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5envhWeVo04
Shopping: I
was at Mountain Co-Op a couple of months back. It's the 124th street
location. They were selling these cards with these nature pictures on
it. There were inspirational quotes on it. It was a really good
product. It was kind of interesting to see it in an outdoors activities
supply store.
Money TV shows:
Til Debt Do Us Part: Have
you ever seen this? I have seen 3 episodes. Once when I was waiting
for dinner to start, so I decided to check it out.
Another time back in 2009 when I was at a friend of a friend's house. A
couple of months ago, I saw some of it during my break at work. We had
finished setting up and had a little downtime before we were to open
again.
The show is where money expert Gail Vaz-Oxlade help these
couples who are in debt. She has written books about money. The
methods on how to save money on this show is to budget and see really
how much money you make a month. Use jars, use cash, and put the money
in the jars for the things you need.
Follow her rules, and if
you achieve the goal of being able to save this amount of money and
follow the budget, she will write you a check. The couples learn more
about mindful spending.
One episode had a man say: "I used to
want to buy 2 lobsters for dinner. Now when I go grocery shopping, I
don't just pick what I want. I really think about stretching my money."
In
the same episode, the woman was really overwhelmed with debt that she
was crying a bit, and saying: "We may be only to get out of debt within 5
yrs." Gail gave her the news that if she follows her financial plan,
they will be out of debt within 1 yr.
So ignorance is not bliss.
My Shopping Addiction:
I saw a promo for this show. I
only saw a min. of it when I was watching one TV show and there was a
commercial on it. An addictions specialist talked to this woman. This
is a paraphrase.
Specialist: Why do you want to be like Barbie?
Woman: She seems to have all the clothes, cars, money, and friends.
Specialist: What is Barbie made out of?
Woman: Plastic.
Specialist: So why do you want to be something that's not real?
Cut to the Woman talking to the camera.
Woman: To hear that, kind of hurt.
The Specialist wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, he was trying to help her. This is the plain
truth.
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